poetry

My Darling Sweet Chloe

Oh the many things you've taught me,
my darling sweet Chloe.

From you I've learned to be...

a little more patient,
a little more forgiving,
a little more understanding,
and a whole lot more loving.

I thank you, my darling sweet Chloe,
for everything you have taught me.

You will never know, nor will I ever be able
to express how much you mean to me.

You, my darling sweet Chloe, are LOVE,
pure and simple.

Never have I felt such a feeling of
completeness, wholeness, pureness.

So full of love.

Because of you, my darling sweet Chloe,
I am now truly me.

And I am so very proud and blessed
to say that I am, and always will be,
mommy to such an amazing,
beautiful Angel.

I love you my darling sweet Chloe,
with all my heart forever and ever.

Love,
Mommy

The Little Things

It's the little things...

It's the way your chin quivers into two adorable dimples when you pout.
It's the sweet snore that escapes your little lips and nose every time you sleep.
It's the warm softness of your flushed pink cheek as I kiss you when you wake.

It's the little things...

It's your beautiful, sparkling green eyes watching me as I leave the room.
It's the cry for me to come back as you miss my tender touch.
It's the two small precious teeth peeking through your bottom gum.

It's the little things...

It's the endearing thoughtful way you listen as I read you a story.
It's the way you become so calm and relaxed as I exercise and massage your legs.
It's your delicate little fingers curled around mine ever so gently.

It's the little things...

That I will forever hold dear to my heart.

The Way You Laugh

Light of a new day
Streams through the window
Beautiful morning. Beautiful girl.
Bright green eyes open wide, you stick out your chin
and let out a sigh, a beautiful magical, amazing sigh.
This is now how you laugh.

Sharing a Dream or Two...

My sweet angel sleeps,
so peaceful, so lovely.

I watch her and smile,
as I nestle beside her.

Now together we sleep,
my cheek to hers.

Then sweetly and softly,
we enter a dream.

Nothing in life will ever compare,
to when I could sleep with my darling Chloe,
and share a dream or two...

Just Love

Birth.
Your eyes open. Shut.
Mouth opens. Big breath. Cry of life.
You are so beautiful.
Part of me.

Days and months follow.
Hands grasp, legs kick, body rolls.
Smiles, giggles, laughs.
So amazing.

Six months pass so quickly.
Movement stops. Crying starts.
Disease rears its ugly head.
How could such a terrible thing happen?
To such an innocent beauty of love.

Why?
Will I ever know the reason?
How can any reason be justified?

What now?
Love. Just love.

Crying subsides.

Silence...

My arms are empty.

Oh how I need you.
To feel you, to hold you, to kiss you.

To love you. Oh how I love you.
This love will never leave me.

It is part of me.
It is me.

Chloe. My love.
My darling, beautiful, amazing daughter.

So much love.
Nothing else matters.

Just love.

The Very Sight of You

Each of your tiny toes, your beautiful dancing green eyes,
your perfect rosebud lips, and your lovely chubby thighs.

Never in all my life have I been in the presence of such an amazing sight.

Chloe, you melt my heart.

Happiness

I can be sad,
but there is so much more to be happy about...

I can be sad that you have this terrible disease inside of you,
but I am so happy that I've been blessed with the chance to love you.

I can be sad that somewhere underneath the medication you've lost your smile,
but I am so happy that when I lay down beside you that you completely relax.

I can be sad that I'll never have the chance to see you walk and run,
but I am so happy I can put my finger in your hand and you ever so gently grasp it.

I can be sad that I'll never hear you tell me that you love me,
but I am so happy that I can feel how much you love me as your eyes light up when I am near.

I can be sad about so many things and that I have so little time to share with you,
but I am so very happy that I have this amazing moment with you.

You make me so very HAPPY, Chloe, and I love you so very much.

Kisses, kisses, so many kisses.
xxxxxxxxxxx

Dreaming in Heaven

In...out...in...out...
I can feel your breath as if it were my own.
In..out...in...out...

You sleep so peacefully, so beautifully.
As you sleep, no one would ever know
how sick you really are.

Your cheeks are a beautiful hue of pink and blush.
Your lips are gorgeous red and your
lovely long eyelashes rest gently
on your sweet chubby cheeks.

Oh how beautiful and healthy you look.

It is not until you wake that your face changes.
You wake crying.
You've been startled, your nerves are so sensitive
and you no longer wake without crying.

I guess it is the realization as you wake,
that you are not comfortable,
your sweet little body aches.

Then the coughing starts, your face turns
dark red, then purple.

You are waiting for suction to release your secretions.

Your swallowing is laboured, your breathing raspier,
your fists tightly clench, your legs stiffen,
your eyes roll, your arms twitch.

And I try to wish you back to sleep,
so you can forget such pain and enter into
the peaceful dream you had just been in.

That's what I imagine Heaven must be,
a beautiful dream, where you feel as peaceful as you look
when I see you sleeping.

Oh, my beautiful Angel, oh how I wish
every minute of your day could be
as your DREAMS...

Heavenly Letter

Dear God...

God, please welcome my little angel into your arms,
and love her and protect her from harm.

Please hold her little hand,
when she feels a little sad.

Please whisper in her ear,
that you love her near and dear.

Please caress her soft pink cheek,
for as long as she wants, a minute, a day, a week.

Please read to her all of her favourite books,
you'll see how much she enjoys them by the way she really looks.

Please tell her how much I love her and miss her,
and that soon we will be together again, of that I am sure.

Thank you God for taking such loving care,
she has so much love in her that I know she will share.

Amen.

Remembering Chloe

Take all the love that Chloe gave to us.

Let it fill our hearts and spread to
every moment of our lives so that she will
be remembered.

Chloe will be remembered in a gentle kiss,
a drop of rain, the warmth of a sunbeam,
a colourful rainbow, a soft touch,
and a kind word.

Chloe will live on in these, and so many other
beautiful, tender moments in our lives.

Chloe's love and her sweet gentleness will remain
in each of us for all eternity.

We love you Chloe.

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