"Every day I offer a silent prayer of thanks that such life has been placed in my hands
and that I was blessed with the miracle of touching even part of it."
As promised I had hoped to one day be able to share some of our most intimate moments of our time spent
with our beautiful daughter, Chloe.
So little by little
we will show you glimpses of love, beauty and magic...
A special thank you to the dear gentle hands that helped
to guide usas we loved our beautiful angel into her heavenly journey. We were blessed with the loveliest medical team for our Chloe Bear: Dr. Bev Spring and Dr. Barrie MacLean (two of the sweetest, gentlest souls) Penny Wilson and Ethel McLean (nurses with gentle hands and gentle hearts) Eric (Chaplain at Canuck Place who brought peace and faith to our hearts) and each and every beautiful soul at Canuck Place Children's Hospice. Thank you and bless you all. Our lives have been blessed with your loving care. |
The week leading up to Chloe's passing were at times so truly unbearable for us all,
however, in amongst the turmoil, the heartache, and the fears...were
moments of such beauty...wisdom...courage...and LOVE.
I will now share with you Chloe's final, most beautiful moments...
These are excerpts taken from my journal, there is much left out in terms of the medical side
and the management of Chloe's symptoms in her 'final phase'. It is my wish at this time
to share only the beauty of the emotions and feelings that enveloped us.
November 30th, 2002
9:00pm Okay, Everyone in bed with Hunny Bunny Bear!!!!!!!!!
See daddy...we can all fit :) :) :) :) even Gromie!!!
YEAH!!!!!!!!! Mommy and Daddy just felt that we needed to be really
close to our beautiful girl tonight. We all desperately need this closeness now.
Chloe needs to nestle in between Mommy & Daddy :)
We had a very emotional but very peaceful day. Mommy has had way too many "mommy meltdowns"
to count these past few days, so today was perfect...no visitors...no medical staff...no chaos...
just the peacefulness that Chloe, Mommy and Daddy so desperately need today...
Just the three of us.
Mommy & Daddy snuggled oh so close to our beautiful daughter :)
Just you...me...daddy...and gromie...
ahhhhh sweet circle of love...
Midnight, December 1st, 2002...
Do I risk trying to fall asleep? Do I stay awake just in case? If I fall asleep will
Chloe have the energy to wake me the way she usually can? Will I remain in alert mode the
way I usually do? Everything is so different now. Chloe’s time is coming very near. I can feel it.
I think that she is on her way to Heaven. She just has a few more little things to share with mommy & daddy.
Don’t work too hard little love, if only you knew how much you have already given mommy & daddy.
You needn’t think that you have to give us any more. You have given us more than we ever
deserved or thought possible. You are a miracle Chloe, an amazing blessing.
We have been touched by an Angel. We love you so much Chloe.
Mommy rested her eyes for a short while. Chloe rested too :)
A few short hours later...here is little peek into Chloe's last hour here in her earthly body...
December 2nd, 2002, 8:02am
Together as a family, there we lay cuddled together, in the lovely
Butterfly Paradise Room we had created.
It was Chloe’s haven.
A tranquil, peaceful aura surrounds our loving
little family at this moment, we are surrounded by LOVE.
Chloe’s LOVE is EVERYWHERE.
Chloe’s breathing is more spaced...
Breath...pause...then our dear little girl lets out the most beautiful melodic lyrical sigh we have ever heard
Breath...pause...sigh
Breath...pause...sigh
Breath...pause...sigh
Breath...pause...sigh
9:15am Chloe’s breaths are becoming more shallow and more silent...
A long pause...a gentle little sigh...
Two more quiet gentle sighs...and the longest sigh...........
She’s almost there...(daddy quietly whispered in my ear, "is she gone?")
I whispered back "no...not quite..."
One more long pause.....................
Then something so magical happened, our dear little girl let out...
one more long gentle sigh (the most beautiful yet)..............
And then something truly beyond this world...a long gentle pause and then...
Chloe Smiled...
the most beautiful smile we have ever seen :)
Ohhhhhh Chloe, you had arrived to where you were going and by your beautiful smile
we could tell you were happier than you have ever been.
The moment between Chloe’s last gentle sigh and her heavenly smile we could
feel her between this world and the next...between the love that she had here on earth with her
mommy and daddy and the love that was waiting for her in Heaven.
We have never seen Chloe look more beautiful.
Perfect. Lovely. Beautiful. Heavenly.
That beautiful, most magical smile lingered on her lips for what seemed an eternity.
Bless you sweet heavenly Angel.
Daddy & I sat there, in the heavenly silence...
Me on the edge of our bed, cradled in daddy's arms, with the purple snowflake pillow on my lap,
and then ever so gently and beautifully was Chloe, on top of the pillow for comfort, our most beautiful
and so loved angel, in only her diaper as her fever had been so high in the hour preceding,
Chloe laid there with the most beautiful smile we’ve ever seen.
We dared not move...
We tried to contain our sobs. We held each other tightly, tears streaming down our cheeks,
each of us with a hand gently cradled around Chloe’s most perfect and beautiful body.
Frank had me cradled on his chest, his arms around me and we took in
every amazing inch of Chloe’s heavenly beauty.
The moment was frozen in time. We were the most perfect picture.
Tears streaming down our cheeks.
Oh Chloe. Oh how we love you. Oh my goodness you are so beautiful.
So perfect.
Oh how we love you. Really love you.
Thank you Chloe for choosing us to be your mommy and daddy.
Bless you little love.
Then after a long and precious moment we kissed and kissed your beautiful face.
I have no words to describe what we have just witnessed and been blessed to share.
No words...
Chloe, beautiful love. You are an angel now.
God Bless You Darling Angel.
We love you so much.
Fly little love. Fly.
You have worked so hard now Play...Play...Play...
Thank you Chloe.
We love you Chloe, our beautiful, perfect, heavenly, smiling angel, forever and ever.
Mommy and Daddy sat quietly within this amazing moment...
Pure beauty.
Fly little love. Fly to the heavens of your dreams.
May that sweet smile forever remain on your dear little face.
Be happy and free our little love.
No moment could be more perfect, suspended in it's beauty.
I wish that we could remain in this moment forever.
Neither your daddy nor I wanted to move for fear of losing this perfect moment.
You...me...daddy
Our beautiful, perfect circle of LOVE.
What now?
Your perfect, most beautiful body was left behind, while your lovely little soul was being fit with the
loveliest angel wings to befit such a perfect beauty as yourself, sweet Chloe.
Your perfect physical body lay cuddled in our loving embrace.
How do we honour such a perfect body?
I know.
Mommy would love to bathe your sweet little body and bless each and every lovely part of you.
Each precious part has been touched by and has been a part of my very own body.
I remember holding your most perfect body in my own. Oh how I wish I could hold you once again
within my own body. To be able to feel your heartbeat, to feel the blood flow
through your veins, to feel your every move as if it were my own.
You and me. As one again.
Together we were perfect Chloe.
We shared life, we shared breath, we shared a heartbeat, but most importantly my sweet love,
we shared a love stronger than anyone could ever dream possible.
We lived a dream and now we can meet each other
and love each other in our dreams.
Sweet dreams little love.
Thank you. Thank you for blessing me with your miracle. Thank you.
I owe you my life. You gave me life. You breathed life into parts of myself I never knew existed.
God bless you my love.
God bless you Chloe, our most perfect and beautiful daughter.
Oh how I love you. You have been gone mere moments and I miss you already.
But at the same time I feel closer to you than ever before. I could feel them fitting you with
your heavenly wings. I could feel you as you began to fly. I could feel your beauty.
I could feel your happiness within every part of my being.
May I always, always remember this moment, this feeling, this LOVE. ALWAYS.
Fly little love...fly...be happy and play...play...play...
So while daddy stayed nestled beside you, mommy ran a nice warm bath for her lovely little hunny bear.
One more bath sweetie. One more time to hold, to cleanse, to massage my beautiful baby.
One more time to honour the little body that held such love and such life.
What a beautiful little body, I will cherish this body with all my heart and soul.
This body gave me everything. This body gave me life. I love you Chloe.
"She went as quiet as the dew...from a familiar flower." - Emily Dickinson
Well...I will leave you with this small glimpse into the sweet gentle soul of our most precious Chloe...
If you are a parent of a Krabbe child or any child with a terminal illness
and you wish to ask us anything from our experiences, including symptom management during
Chloe's final weeks, days, minutes, seconds, we would be honoured and would love to share from all that
we have learned from Chloe. We would love to know that Chloe in some way might be able
to ease the life and suffering of another precious little love.
We took a loving, comfort-care approach to Chloe's life. And judging by the smile that
Chloe left us with we know that we in some way fulfilled her wishes for a peaceful
and loving journey into the magical journey ahead of her.
Our email address is chloesweetsoul@yahoo.ca
Thank you for sharing along
in Chloe's Journey.
Stay Tuned...
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